Friday five: Worse boyfriends than Edward Cullen

It seems like every day I read another article about how Creepy Eddie is setting a bad example for young girls of what a boyfriend should be. He’s stalker-esque, he’s controlling, he’s SPARKLY. So here it is Friday, and I present you with five idols from my childhood* who would be comparably bad, if not TEN TIMES WORSE as boyfriends than Edward Cullen:

1. J.D. (Heathers). He killed people and tried to blow up his school, and for a while manipulated his girlfriend into helping him. But we all thought he was hot.

2. Han Solo (Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi). Han Solo was a jackass. He was unkind, dismissive, arrogant, and totally patronizing, and what was supposed to be one of the most “romantic” moments in the Star Wars trilogy? Was Han Solo kissing Princess Leia TO MAKE HER SHUT UP. But still she, along with millions of girls throughout the galaxy, fell under the spell of that “stuck-up half-witted scruffy-looking nerfherder.”

3. Lloyd Dobler (Say Anything…). I love him to this day, but he cornered the market on standing outside your window not taking “no” for an answer.

4. Troy Dyer (Reality Bites). Just…douche. But he’s so TORTURED! And GREASY! And that U2 song!

5. And finally…Jake Ryan (Sixteen Candles). To this day, I swoon remembering Jake Ryan. But think about it. He already had a girlfriend who he wouldn’t level with, who he unkindly scalped by shutting her hair in a bedroom door, then sent home with a stranger who COULDN’T EVEN DRIVE. All the while, he’s hanging on to the PANTIES of the girl he likes! If that’s not pervy, I don’t know what is.

So, there you have it. The ill-advised heartthrobs of yesteryear.

Sparkle on, young ones, sparkle on!

* For some reason, I decided to focus on film, but I could definitely work TV and books as well.

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4 Comments »

  1. Lorcasaur said

    Holy crap. I don’t even know who Edward Cullen is. I guess I’d better Google?

  2. Sada said

    You may have ruined the kissing-over-the-cake scene for me FOREVER, but it was worth it. HA. More bad boyfriends next Friday? By special request?

  3. Sadako said

    Oh, I always HATED Jake in Sixteen Candles. What a skeevie creep. This is the guy we’re supposed to be rooting for Molly Ringwald to get with? No way.

  4. Elizabeth said

    Brilliant post idea.

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